Kid, I know what you’re thinking. Rock & Roll is exciting. It’s fun. Flashy. It’s got glamour, guitars, pyrotechnics. It’s got a beat and you can dance to it. Security passes, on the other hand…boring. Laminated cards that say something, something, something, and somebody or other gives ’em a glance and they’re boring. Ho hum, you say. I’m in the business to rock and roll, you say. PARTY!!!!! you say.

News flash, kiddo. Nobody wonders why you think security passes are boring or why you think you got hired to party.

No, they wonder if you’ll get fired before or after some yo-yo slips through the gate and takes off with the tour bus while the Punktown Squallers’ drummer is in the bathroom. Yeah, really, that’s what they’re wondering.

Save yourself, kid. Put your “only driven on Sundays” brain to work helping those boring security passes perk up by reflecting the Punktown Squallers’ BRAND! And don’t stand there with your mouth hanging open. Go call RockStar Passes and tell ’em we need secure event passes and custom lanyards for the tour!

Custom how? Custom however. Those guys over at RockStar do it all! They’re the bomb! They got Pouch Passes or Flush-Cut, both with full color printing on both sides. Put Joe Punk on one side and his guitar on the other. You know, do some apple polishing.

Never mind what that means!

For security, scannable bar codes keep track of who’s where, QR-codes have even more info, and special foil foils the counterfeiters. Foil! You get it?

I didn’t think so, kid. That’s holographic foil stamps with imagery baked into the stamp that can be seen but not copied. That means you don’t gotta know what HerbieDo the drummer looks like to know it’s HerbieDo the drummer pounding through the gate screaming to get to the bathroom, see?

They got stick-ons and Bag Tags too, so you got options. Everything you need to know is right here. And put Joe Punk’s motto on the lanyards. You know, “It’s just rock & roll but I’m richer than you.” He’ll like that. Order some purple ones. He likes purple. Or maybe it’s red. Order some red. Or green. I dunno, don’t take chances, order a rainbow.

Call the guys at RockStar Passes now at 866-980-4362 and ask for Brad or Brad. Yeah, that’s their names, kid. You gotta problem with it? If you’re too shy to talk to people, contact ’em at this link. Now personally, I don’t care if you get ’em by phone, internet, or carrier pigeon, but get ’em and get those passes ordered.

Mess it up and what can I say, kid? Rock & Roll never forgets.